What's Going On?
by The Russian Who Shall Be
Summary: Bad things are happening to some of the cats, right before the Jellicle Ball! Will they be able to get through it this year?
1. What's Going On?

**Author's Note - This is my first ever story, so please have harsh " Don't do this," or " You shouldn't have done that," comments (My teacher would call it "constructive criticism"). Or you can write things about how awesome I am at writing, and how you want my permission to put my story on your CATS website, because you know that it will never be complete without it. Just saying. I will try to recognise the people who review in the next chapter that I write, i.e. if you review for chapter one, I will recognise you in chapter two. My limit is to the first ten people who review. So if you want to be recognised, review quickly. One more thing. I won't recognise you if you write something irrelevant, i.e. "Haha that was so funny!" or "I'm putting this on my favorites!" I will recognise you if you write something like, " That was great! Just try to do this better..." or "maybe you should try to do this...". That's all! Hope I didn't scare you away! *looks around nervously* "That was a joke guys. Just so you know. You can come back now." *sighs in relief when they do come back* Ok! On with the show, er, story! Whatever!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own cats. Andrew Lloyd Webber does! *sniff***

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It was hard being a Jellicle leader sometimes. Some days were perfect, like on the day when Demeter told him that she was pregnant, and other days were terrible, like the day a few weeks ago when they found out that Demeter was just fat. Today was a bad day. Munkustrap could already tell by the weather. Grey clouds and damp ground, the result of major rain coming down yesterday. Just what they needed, two days away from the Jellicle Ball. Munkustrap sighed. "Time to go see what the other Jellicles are up to," he mused.

* * *

His first stop was behind the tire. This was where Jemima lived with her parents until she was old enough to move out on her own. When he got there, he saw all of the other kittens in a big cluster surrounding something. When he got closer, he saw what the object of their interest was Jemima, just the kitten he need to see.

"Ok, move out of the way, here comes a mean ol' cat coming through!" He growled playfully, and all of the kittens scattered. He hooked Jemima by the arm though and asked her, "Are you ready for the Jellicle Ball?" for it was his role to ask every Jellicle before the ball to see if they needed help with anything.

Jemima shrugged.

"Does that mean that you're ready?" He asked her. She shrugged again.

"Can I get a yes or no answer out of you?" She broke eye contact, turned to look down at the ground and shuffled her feet nervously.

"Jemima, can you please say something?" He asked her, getting a little impatient.

"Hello," came the quiet, meek reply.

"Louder?" He was starting to get angry.

"Hello." He heard in a voice that was scratchy and a little bit squeaky. Suddenly it dawned on him.

"Jemima," he started, "have you lost your voice?" She looked up at him with eyes threatening to spill their many tears. "Jemima, I'm so sor-" He tried to say, but she ran off in tears before he could say another word. He felt bad for Jemima, who he knew that her voice was her most cherished thing. He sighed for the umpteenth time that day, and walked on to the next stop.

When he got to Admetus's den, he was expecting a very nipped up welcome, because Admetus was just that kind of tom. He was always making fun of Tugger behind his back at the ball, especially when Tugger tried to woo the queen-kits around him by thrusting his hips into their faces. But when he greeted him, he got a completely different kind of welcome.

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"Hey, 'Med'" He called out, using the popular tom's popular nickname.

"Why, hello, Munkustrap. Please kindly refrain from using my atrocious nickname, and instead use my real, full name. Admetus Marian Ga- well, I can't tell you that one. I'm sure once we get on better terms of friendship I'll allow you to call me by my second full name. Aurthur Liam Wy- I can't tell you that one either. Now, what is it that you wanted, dear boy?"

But Munkustrap was too shocked to say anything. His head was spinning. He wanted to bombard Admetus with questions, like What happened to you? Why did it happen? Since when did you have two three different names? Did your humans do it to you? Is this for real? But he was so surprised, all he could do was mutter, "Isn't Marian a girl's name?"

Admetus was so offended at this, that all he did was huff, "Go away. I am mature now, and I don't need you. Hmph." And he wouldn't look at Munkustrap again.

Munkustrap stumbled out of there still dazed and confused. What had happened to the nip overload cat from last week? He knew that Admetus had gone on some kind of missionary trip with his humans, but how could that change him so drastically? He decided that he would just let things unfold, and see what happens. He stumbled around for a bit, trying to get his balance, before continuing off.

* * *

He was going to see Victoria, who still lived at home with her parents. This sleek all-white cat was dancing in her yard, next to a mud puddle that was still there from the downpour yesterday. When she saw him, she ran up to him and asked, "Do you want to see my new dance move, Munku?" using the nickname everyone called him by. "I'm going to perform it for the Jellicle Ball!"

"Sure," Munkustrap replied, excited for her.

Victoria stood up, and leaned forward from the waist up so low, that her head almost touched her kneecap.

"Boy, that kit is flexible!" thought Munkustrap in amazement.

She then proceeded to jump up, almost keeping her head in the same place, and quickly unfolded her arms to land in a handstand. She did this all in one movement, and with any cat but her, it would've looked like a sideshow trick in a travelling circus. But Victoria made it so graceful; it reminded Munkustrap of a bird changing direction in mid-air. First fly up, and then fly down.

Munkustrap was so mesmerized by Victoria's grace, that he didn't notice that she was leaning to far forward, until it was too late.

"Look out!" He cried, but he could do nothing to help. SPLOP! Victoria landed on the border of the mud puddle, so when she landed, she only got little splotches of mud on her.

"Ahhhhhh!" Victoria screamed. "I'm never going to get this off!" She stood up and ran inside.

Munkustrap watched as she disappeared behind the door, and then heard sobbing from inside. He felt terrible. "Why didn't I see that coming? I could've stopped it from happening!" Victoria's coat was one of the few things about her that made her stand out from the other cats in the tribe. If she couldn't get it off, it would just destroy her. "I'm just going to let Vicky cool down a bit. Maybe I'll stop back here later." Munkustrap was thinking to himself as he walked through the Junkyard to his next stop.

* * *

"I think I'll do the magic cats next," he thought as he changed course slightly to go to the tuxedo cat's den. When he got there, he couldn't find Mistofelees, so he went around to the back of the den to his "secret magic place". Once there, he found the small, black and white magic cat working on some of his powers, next to a big puddle.

"Ahem," Munkustrap said as casually as he could. Mistofelees jumped 5 feet in the air.

"You scared me, Munkustrap!" Mistofelees said once he saw who it was.

"No duh," Munkustrap thought to himself.

"So, what do you want?" The magic cat asked him.

"I was just comin' to ask you if you're all ready for the Ball."

"The Ball? Totally. Here, watch this!" Mistofelees said excitedly as he struck a stone with his electricity. The tom was very fond of his magic powers, and wasn't afraid to show them off. He took pride in how far he could hit something with his signature power, electricity. Munkustrap chuckled as he saw how happy the younger cat got when doing his magic. He was wondering what it would be like to have powers like his, when the tuxedo tom saw an empty metal barrel and zapped it.

BANG!

Mistofelees wasn't ready for the noise of the impact, and therefore shot into the air like a rocket. And then landed in the puddle. BZZZZZZZ! When the magic cat got out, even though his fur was wet, it stood on end. There were sparks coming out of his mouth, water coming out of his nose and ears, and Munkustrap was pretty sure there was smoke coming out of his butt.

"Ow," he whispered, for his throat was very sore, "I think I blew up…I'm gonna go home now." He then waddled off, muttering something like, "OhmygodIthinkmybuttisonfire!" but he had too much dignity to check it out in front of Munkustrap.

Munkustrap sighed. When was that cat going to learn not to use his magic near water? He then proceeded to go on to Cori and Tanti's den.

* * *

Cori and Tanti were in the middle of linking their powers when Munkustrap came in. Linking powers was something that they did each year a few days before the Jellicle Ball. It helped them get in better harmony with everything around them. It involved of facing each other, holding hands tightly, and putting their heads close together. They would then chant a few chants and phrases and do some synchronized movements, and link to each other. They were at this stage when Munkustrap came in, tripped over a rock, and yelled something a Jellicle Tribe protector should never say.

Cori and Tanti pulled away in surprise. But, since they were holding onto each other's paws, they yanked back together, smashing heads.

"Uh, sorry if I was interrupting anything, but I was just wondering if you guys needed anything before the Ball."

"No, we do not!" They both snapped at him, angry at being caught unawares.

"Um, right then. I'll just, uh, just, um, just go. Yeah. Um, so, uh, yeah, bye." Munkustrap ran out of there as fast as he could go. Those two always gave him the creeps. He never liked talking to them. "I think I'll take a break and go home for now," he thought, as he realized that he was pretty hungry. As he was heading home though, he heard four piercing screams come from Tugger and Bomba's den, filling the silence. Munkustrap quickly ran over to investigate.

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**So there's the first chapter! Remember, Rate and Review! See if you can find the major Andrew Lloyd Webber reference I put in there. If you know the answer, send me a message, do not put it in the comments! (P.S. I'm not sure how you send me a Personal Message, so you're gonna have to figure it out on your own!)**


	2. This Can't Be Happening!

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry it took forever to upload, I have everything planned, but I just lost the motivation to write for a while. But never fear! It's back and stronger than ever! So I said that I would say thanks to the people who commented, but I think I'm only going to do that for this chapter. But that doesn't mean that I won't accept reviews, especially constructive criticism! I'll try to upload more quickly in the future.**

**Thanks to:**

**r1y1r3e4s- Glad you liked it! I'll see what I can do about Plato being a hippy. I think that would work out just fine! Thanks!**

**FantabulousMe- I was hoping to get a review about the Misto part! Wasn't quite sure tough, this being my first story and all...thanks for the review!**

**Oh, and the answer to the question I put in the last chapter. What major reference to Andrew Lloyd Webber did I put in there. If you look at Admedus second real full name, Aurther Liam Wy- well I can't say that one, the initals are ALW. Get it?**

**D****isclaimer: Since I own CATS, I going to make collectable little dolls of all the characters, then I'm going to bring it back on Broadway, then I'm going to remake the video but include Growltiger's Last Stand in it, then I'm going make and sell a cd, then I'm going to …oh wait. I don't own CATS. *sigh* Never mind.**

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When he got to Tugger and Bomba's den, he was about to crash through the door when he heard them say at the exact same time, "I can't have anyone seeing me like this!" He stopped, and realized if this was done correctly, he could use this as blackmail against the Rum Tug Tugger. He leaned in close to the door and listened.

**TWO MINUTES BEFORE**

When Bombalurina had woken up, the first thing she did was look in the mirror, as usual. When she saw herself, she let out a piercing scream. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Her scream proceeded to wake up Rum Tug Tugger, who saw her reflection in the mirror, which made him scream also. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Bomba, startled by his scream, looked at him, causing her to scream even louder. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Tugger, not knowing why she was screaming at him, looked at his reflection. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

**PRESENT TIME**

Munkustrap was hanging onto their every word.

"Bomba, you're ugly!"

"Tugger, you're fat!"

"What happened?

"I don't know! My face is all puffy! It's like I got an allergic reaction or something!"

"Wait! Aren't you allergic to fish, or something?"

"Oh, yeah! I always forget. I can't have any contact with shrimp, or it makes whatever it touched on me swell up."

At this point he heard Tugger gasp. "Um, Bomby, I have something to tell you."

"What, that you rubbed shrimp all over my face last night when I was asleep?"

"Well, um, yeah."

"What! Are you serious! I was joking when I said that! Why?"

"I thought it looked sexy!"

"I AM SO MAD AT YOU RUM TUG TUGGER!"

"How was I supposed to know that if I rubbed shrimp all over your face it would make your face swell up?"

"Okay, you know what. New topic of conversation. You. Why are you fat?"

"I don't know!"

"How much did you eat at the restaurant last night?"

"Maybe just a little more than usual?" he tried.

"TUGGER!"

"It's okay! It's okay! I can still do my Tugger thrusts! See?"

"AHH! TUGGER! STOP JIGGLING! YOU HIT ME WITH YOUR FLAB!"

By this time Munkustrap was on the ground trying not to laugh. When he finally could stand, he decided he wouldn't interfere. "Just as they say," he thought as he was walking away, "let sleeping dogs lie. Even if it's a pollicle who deserves a good kick in the a$$.

* * *

"Hello?" Munkustrap called out, "Anyone home?"

He had decided to go to Old Deuteronomy's den next. The Jellicle Leader's den was like a maze. He had huge piles of things he had collected over the years, even if what he collected didn't go in the same category. Sometimes Munkustrap thought Old Deuteronomy collected stuff just to say that he had it and for nothing else.

He heard some rustling to his right, and decided to investigate. "Hello?" He called again. Suddenly the rustling stopped. Munkustrap padded to a big pile of unidentifiable objects. You never really knew what anything was in the Jellicle Leader's den. Munkustrap circled around the pile, trying to see if he could see anyone. All he saw was random objects Old Deuteronomy had taken a liking to over the years. He had circled about 3 quarters around the pile when he saw something. Another cat! It was facing away from him, and when Munkustrap got closer, he could see that it was shaking uncontrollably. Munkustrap didn't recognize the cat, and thought it was a stray, needing help. But then it dawned on him. What if it was one of Macavity's henchcats, here to kidnap Old Deuteronomy right before the big night! Munkustrap would not let that happen. He leaped at the cat.

"HEY YOU!" He roared with a voice that surprised him, "GET OUT OF HERE!" The cat turned and saw the striped tabby barreling towards him. He let out a yowl of surprise, jumped up and ran. He got out of the way just in time. Munkustrap landed where he just was, claws dug into the ground. He scolded himself. He was so close! He even had a chance to look at the intruder's face, but missed it. He looked around, and saw the cat climbing up one of the other huge piles in the den. Racing after him, Munkustrap tried to figure out a plan. If he could just corner him, he could probably overpower him. He jumped up onto the pile, dodging the objects the other cat threw at him as they flew past him. He saw the cat jump up and try to land on one of the piles across the room, but missed. Terribly. Munkustrap shook his head. Was he going crazy? When the other cat jumped, it almost looked like he was wearing a cape. He pushed it out of his mind. Munkustrap reached the top of the first pile, and saw the other cat change directions, and run behind one of the piles. Quietly, he made his way down the first pile, keeping his eye trained on the pile in front of the cat. He slowly stalked around the pile, waiting for an ambush. He wasn't ready for what he saw next.

The cat was trying to squeeze itself into one of the piles. He had seen an opening between the spokes of the wheel, and had tried to crawl through it. What greeted Munkustrap when he got there was the cat's butt staring at him, while the cat it belonged to kept trying to squirm its way through. Munkustrap took the cat's tail and yanked. Hard. He was greeted with a series of yelps and yowls. He tried pulling the spokes apart, and because they were so weak and rusty, not because of his manly strength as he liked to believe, Munkustrap pulled them right off the wheel. The cat shot out of wheel, and into the pile, where there was a little space. It was completely dark in there, so Munkustrap couldn't see a thing. He leaned in through the wheel to see if he could see anything. Nope. Maybe if he could-

YOWL! With a cry the cat in the pile leaped out at him, and propelled him to the ground. Bits of fur flew, and claws sliced through the air as Munkustrap found himself on top of the other cat. He somehow got the cat's arms pinned down, and waited for the dust to clear. He was in total shock when he found out who it was.

"Old Deuteronomy?" He cried. "What were you doing?" But he couldn't get anything out of the cat. The Jellicle Leader was mumbling something over and over, so Munkustrap leaned in to hear.

"I didn't lose it. I didn't lose it. I didn't. I didn't lose it. I know where it is. I didn't."

"Lose what? What didn't you lose?" he asked the leader patiently. He waited for Old Deuteronomy to sit up, and start talking sense.

"I have it. I really do. You can ask me anything and I will tell you that I have it. Go on, ask me. Do I have it? I'll say yes. Go on. Ask."

"Ummm, OK," Munkustrap said slowly, "Do you have-"

"OK, OK, I LOST IT! I LOST IT! THERE, I SAID IT! DON'T YOU THINK I FEEL BAD ENOUGH?" Old Deuteronomy cried as Munkustrap stared at him with a confused look on his face.

"Lose what, Old Deuteronomy?" He asked when the Leader calmed down. But instead of answering his question, the Leader looked at him, and said, "How do you think the stairway to the Heaviside Layer comes down every year,my son?" He looked at Munkustrap with and inscrutable eye.

"Well, I think that the joy of all the cats, is like a beacon to the great cat in the sky, and he sends his love down to all of us, so we know that we are always loved and wanted. Then he chooses one of us, and sends the message down to you. You choose the cat, and all the happiness we have in our hearts in that special moment, it all unites. We'd be able to stand against anything, with our love so strong for one another, and it brings us all closer to harmony. When we reach that special point, when we all take into consideration each other, and accept everything in our hearts, the Great Cat cherishes us enough to reach down and carry us safely to his home, made of happiness, joy, and love. After that is done, all the cats back here can come to realize, we're not so different. When we all share the same joy, and we are all united." Munkustrap finished standing up and staring dreamily into the distance with his eyes getting big and teary.

"No, you idiot!" Deuteronomy said as he slapped his son out of the fantasy world he was in. "I have a remote." Munkustrap was stunned, but Old Deuteronomy didn't seem to notice. "Now you're going to help me find it. Without the remote, how are we going to get someone up there, huh?" He started digging around.

"I think I'll just go take a walk or something." He mumbled as he started walking to the door. When he got there and turned around.

"Old Deuteronomy, I have a question. When I was chasing you, I saw a different cat from behind. Who was that?" Old Deuteronomy thought about it for a moment and then started to laugh.

"Oh that? That was me. You don't really think I look like this big obese shag rug all the time do you? Oh no, I wear a snuggie!" Old Deuteronomy turned around so he could see the open back to the snuggie, revealing the cat that Munkustrap had seen. Of course! The "cape" that he saw was the snuggie! As Munkustrap trudged out the door, he heard The Jellicle Leader say "Well, what can I say? One size fits all!"

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**Hope you like it! Remember, R&R! More chapters coming soon!**


	3. Why Is This Happening To Me?

**A.N. Hey, Guys! I'm on a role! The next chapter should finish up all the cats, and be up and running within 1 or 2 days. **

**3 things you should know:**

**1.) All the cats seem to have huge dens with many rooms and hallways. I did this subconsciously. Don't ask, or yell at me for it.**

**2.) I'm not going to be spending too much time on each cat, because I want to fit all the cats in without to many chapters, also without have the chapters be too long (not that there really long, or anything).**

**3.) If I am unclear with something, feel free to PM about it, and I will answer it as best as I can. Unless of course, I'm holding the answer back on purpose.**

**Disclaimer: I am still on my quest to own CATS, but in the meantime, no such luck. I don't own CATS, let alone a cat itself.**

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Munkustrap decided to start going back to the list to see where to go next. The next down was Plato. As he neared his den, he was starting to hear loud yowls. When he entered the den, he saw Plato thrashing about, destroying everything in sight, screaming, "I WON'T DO IT! NOT THIS YEAR, NOT NEXT YEAR, NOT EVER AGAIN! THEY TAKE ME FOR A FOOL, AND I WON'T HAVE IT!" He turned around and saw Munkustrap. Plato ran towards him, stuck his face up next to the Protector's ear and screamed "I QUIT!" Munkustrap's ears started to ring. "Great! Now that we have that established, would you kindly tell me what you are quitting?"

"Being Macavity! Every year, I have to dress up as Macavity, and I have to fight you guys, then I have to get beaten, then I kill myself. EVERY YEAR!" He wailed. "Why can't you get the real Macavity to come over here and fight you? I'm sick of it!"

"But you know that it's part of the tradition," started Munkustrap, "every year, at the Jellicle Ball, we have to act out Macavity's attack. It's what we do there. You know that."

"Yeah, well how would you like to have to be attacked every year? How would you like that? Huh? And then I have to go and electrify myself. Everyone tells me, it's not that bad, but they don't know what it feels like to be electrocuted. Even Misto doesn't know what it feels like, and he practically has electricity pouring out of his butt!"

Munkustrap wanted to tell Plato that at that moment, nothing could be closer to the truth, but he held his tongue.

"I mean, can't you at least find somebody else to be him. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't" Munkustrap could tell that Plato was on the verge of crying, so he left with a promise that he would do something.

"Poor guy," Munkustrap sympathized as he was walking away.

* * *

He realized that he was pretty hungry, so he walked to his den, where he expected that Demeter would already have his lunch on the table, so he was pretty surprised when it wasn't.

"Demeter?" he called out, hoping that maybe she was just a little delayed with lunch. No answer. He tried again. "Demeter?" Silence yet.

"Maybe she's out with Jellylorum, or something like that," he thought to himself, "Oh well, I guess I'll have to do it myself." He moved extra slow as he made his lunch, just in case Demeter came barging in and insist that she do it. No such luck. As he sat down with his lunch, he reviewed the day. Why ha_SCRATCH_d so many things gone wrong? It wasn't like the Jell_SCRATCH_icles to be careless two days before the Ball. Usually they we_SCRATCH_re extra cautious. This can't be a go_SCRATCH_od-what is that scratching noise?

As he got up to go investigate, he heard it again. SCRATCH. What was making that noise? He checked around the main room first, and found nothing. He decided to go back into the rooms farther back, when he heard it louder than ever.** SCRATCH.** The bedroom. Definitely. As he raced to the room and tore open the door, he saw the last person he expected to see, which was, surprisingly enough, Demeter.

"Demeter?" he questioned, when he saw the position she was in. She was huddled in the corner, one arm covering her head, which was turned away in fear. He saw that she was making the scratching noises, with one claw on the hand that was towards the ground, against the wall. Munkustrap took her in his arms, and felt her instantly relax.

"Demeter, what happened?" he asked her as he turned to face her. He leaned in close. She was mumbling something, but he couldn't understand what. When he leaned in even closer he could hear words.

"Mmmm…mmm" Demeter was saying.

"Mmmm what?"

"Mmmmm, ma, mac, mac, mac" she stuttered.

"Mac what, Demeter? Old MacDonald, Big Mac, mac, mac… Pac? Pac Man? What is it?"

"Macavity," she struggled out, in hoarse, ragged breaths.

Suddenly Munkustrap understood. Every year, close to the Jellicle Ball, Demeter would get these hallucinations of the real Macavity, and it would make her tense up and become more paranoid than ever. This time it happened the closest to the Ball it ever been. This wasn't good. These attacks usually lasted about a week. He hoped it wouldn't interfere too much with the preparations for the Ball, or even the Ball itself. If she started randomly yelling out "Macavity!" and some cat heard her, there would be pandemonium.

He decided to leave her at home, thinking that she couldn't do too much harm where there was no one around. Still…

**Five Minutes Later**

"Sorry I have to do this, Demeter," Munkustrap said as he tied the last of ten ropes and a gag around Demeter's body, "but it's for your own good." And with that he chucked her in the closet, and left.

* * *

"Okay, who's next?" Munkustrap wondered as he looked down at the list, "Gus."

As he knocked on the door, he prayed that nothing had, or would, happen to Gus. Sadly, he was wrong.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!" A voice growled from within. That couldn't be Gus. It couldn't be. Yet…it was.

"I SAID WHAT DO YOU WANT! I GOT UP WAY TOO EARLY FOR MY LIKING, BUT OF COURSE THAT DOESN'T MATTER AROUND HERE, AND NOW YOU'RE ALL GOING TO PAY! I HATE YOU ALL! GO AWAY!" Munkustrap thought that was decent advice, and decided to use it. He got away as quick as he could, and got out of sight just as Gus threw open the door, saw no one, and then spat on the doorstep. Munkustrap quickly went on.

* * *

"Ah, Skimbleshanks," Munkustrap was relieved to see as he read the list, "at least there's a happy cat!"

When he knocked on the door, a meek voice came from within. "Come in," it said. As Munkustrap stepped through, he saw his friend with his head in his hand, sobbing.

"Skimbleshanks, what's wrong?" He hurried up to his friend, hoping to comfort him.

"It's over," the orange cat sobbed, "all over."

"What's over?"

"Everything I ever cared for, my dream, my job."

"What do you mean, over?"

"They fired me. They just put me out on the street and left. Do you know how that feels? No I bet you don't. You've never had a real job in your life," by now he was yelling, "THE LEAST YOU COULD DO WAS SHOW SOME SYMPATHY TO THOSE WHO HAD A DECENT JOB, BUT WAS FIRED BECAUSE THE BOSS WAS A STUPID-"

"SKIMBLE!" The silver tabby cut him off. He decided he like the self-pitying Skimble then the Screw-The-World Skimble. "It's going to be alright, we'll get you through this."

"NO YOU WON'T, YOU WON'T DO A THING. GO! JUST GO!"

Munkustrap, thinking that this was too much like Gus, got out of there and ran, while trying to get the list out.

"Oh, good, someone calm."

* * *

As he got to Cassandra's den, he wondered what was in store for him here.

"Oh, Munkustrap," she said with a smooth, trancelike voice of hers, "do come in. When he got through the door, he expected to see Cassandra blow past him with an air of grace about her, but when he looked, he saw her waddling down a hallway calling back, "I'll only be a minute."

**Ten Minutes Later**

"Well, now that that's done, what brings you here?" she said as she came waddling back.

"Where were you?" he asked.

"The bathroom. But you were saying?"

"Oh, right, I, uh," he started to say before she cut him off.

"Oh, hold on one second." She went waddling right back down the same hallway. Munkustrap wondered. What else was in the hallway, that she needed to go to every 5 minutes? Then he remembered. The only room down there was the bathroom.

**Ten Minutes Later**

"Okay, I'm back!" She said as she came waddling back out.

"Well, I was going to ask-"

Cassandra shifted in her seat, her face twitching.

"If you were ready for-"

Cassandra started to squirm around, her face screwed in pain.

"The Jellicle Ball." Cassandra suddenly stopped moving, and her eyes got big. She jumped, and waddled/ran down the hallway while holding her derrière screaming things out like,

"OH MY EVERLASTING CAT, IT'S COMING OUT, I CAN'T STOP IT! MUNKUSTRAP DON'T LOOK! GO AWAY! GET OUTTA HERE! AHHHHHHH!"

Munkustrap got "outta" there just as here heard the bathroom door slam. When he was walking away, slightly scarred, he heard Cassandra shout, "NOOOOOOOO! I'M TOO LATE! AHHHHHHH! IT'S EVERYWHERE!" He decided to ignore it, and walk on as if nothing had happened.

* * *

"Okay, who's next? Oh, Gus's stunt double, Asparagus."

When he heard screams of agony coming from Asparagus's den, he decided to barge in.

"Asparagus, what's wrong?"

"Who's there? WHO'S THERE? I'm armed to the teeth, so don't try and sneak up on me, y'hear?" Munkustrap could see Asparagus, plain as day, hiding in the corner, waving the book _Everybody Poops_ around crazily.

"Cassandra should read that," he thought, before sneaking up on Asparagus and snatching the "weapon" away. "Is there some reason why you're acting all crazy, Asparagus?"

"I'm blind! I can't see! It hurts to open my eyes! I don't know what's wrong with me! It's been going on for a week! Now I'm going crazy because I can't see or do anything!"

"Umm, OK. Well, then do you want to tell me why you own the book _Everybody Poops_?"

"…Ummm, well, you see, I, was, uhh, …are those new clothes you're wearing, Munkustrap?"

"I'm not wearing any clothes."

"YOU'RE BEING NAKED IN MY DEN?" Asparagus screeched.

"Well, nobody else is wearing clothes, so why should I?"

"Oh, yeah. It kinda reminds me of the time when I was visiting my cousins, and we were about to play a card game. So we went into the kitchen, open the drawers, got the spoons, went back into the living room, found some cards, and started playing. I didn't need the first card, and I didn't need the second card, and I didn't need the third card…" but by this point Munkustrap was already out the door. Asparagus had a tendency to ramble. When he was walking away, he heard Asparagus say, "And that's how we blew my Grandma's house up."

* * *

Munkustrap realized he was down to the last few cats. "OK, let's see, ummm, Grizabella. I never know where she is, so I'll just skip her. Next, Bustopher Jones. He's always at his pub, and I don't have time for that, so I'll skip him too. Next, Alonzo. OK, here we go."

Munkustrap didn't want to take a chance of any bad thing happening to Alonzo, so he decided to try a new tactic. He ran up to Alonzo's den, shoved his head in the door, and yelled,

"HEYALONZOWHAT'!" And ran away.

"I think that went well, if I do say so myself." He thought to himself as he left a confused Alonzo sitting in his den.

* * *

Next, a kitten. Electra.

"Hi, Munkustrap!" She screeched as he walked through the door. "Watcha want?"

"Well, I came to see if somebody's ready for the ball." He said with a mock serious tone.

"Well, I could go ask my mom, if that's want you want."

"Um, no, I'll do that myself. But are you ready for the ball?"

"Um, yeah, I guess," she replied, "but there is one thing."

"And that is?"

"CAN I HAVE MORE LINES? OH PRETTY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE? PULEEEEAAAAAZZZZZEEEEEEEEE!"

"Um, well, I'll see what I can do."

"OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!" She squealed as he pried her off his leg.

When he left the den with a squealing Electra, he scolded himself.

"You never should have done that, Munkustrap! A kitten never forgets anything an adult says!"

He sighed as he went on to see who the next person on his list was.

* * *

**For those of you wanting more Griz or BJ, don't worry. Actually, if you if you want more of any cat just let me know, either in the comments or PM me. I tried to make this chapter longer than the others. Hope you like it so far!**


	4. Make It Stop!

A.N. ~ Hey guys, I know I said that I would update I couple days ago, but I forgot that I had a skiing trip. But never fear, I'm here with another update. This chapter will finish up all the cats, just so I can move on further in the story. Each cat's section might be a little short because frankly, I'm getting sick of writing about their problems. I want to move on in the story! Also, if you don't like gory descriptions, heads up for the first part of this chapter. This chapter is more drama than comedy. So here ya go!

**Disclaimer: *says something that makes you laugh really hard* I don't own Cats. Or my Sweeney Todd reference, about the precious rubies.**

**

* * *

**

Munkustrap looked down at his list. Ugh. Just what he needed. Etcetera. The kitten could almost surely give Munkustrap a migraine painful enough to make him want to take her and chuck her into the nearest hard object. But each time he had to resist the urge.

He was about to go looking for her, when she found him.

"Munkustrap!" she bawled as she ran up to him, "I-it h-h-hurts! Make it st-s-stop!" She was crying hard enough to make her shoulders heave up and down with each ragged breath that she took.

"What hurts, Etcetera?" Munkustrap had to strain not to panic, or show the fear in his eyes. Kits looked up to the protector, and with him they felt safe, and invulnerable. If they saw fear written on his face, they too would become frightened and make matters worse. But Munkustrap knew how to handle these kinds of situations. Over the years he's had many young kits run up to him, bawling their eyes out, because of something foolish they did. Many of them were young enough to think that Munkustrap would be able to fix anything, so they ran to him, instead of Jellylorum or Jennyanydots, some of the queens who could take care of them.

"OK, Munkustrap," he thought to himself as Etcetera started to go into a coughing fit that left her unable to answer, "just stay calm, and try to keep her mind off of the pain."

He was about to ask her the same question again, when he saw it. The blood. The precious rubies slowly fell from the wound. It had soaked her fur, and was staining the ground beneath her. Etcetera's arm was broken. Severely. It was hanging at her side broken and useless. Munkustrap doubted that she could even raise it, its condition was that bad. It had been broken in several spots, and in many places, the bone had protruded to the point where it had ripped through the skin and was sticking out, a pale and bloody protrusion from such an undeserving cat.

True, there had been many times where Munkustrap had hid the fact that he wanted to hurt the small kitten, but he didn't think she deserved this. Her arm was being held together by just the flesh around the bone, threatening to fall off and never come back on. Torn veins and arteries were spurting a seemingly never ending spout of the kitten's warm red blood. Her white fur looked out of place, as most of her body was covered in blood. He was surprised that she was still conscious after her huge blood loss.

All of this registered in Munkustrap's mind in about a second. When he saw Etcetera begin to sway, he knew there wasn't much time. Without a second thought, he picked her up bridal style, which made her scream in pain. The sound of pure agony made Munkustrap wince. No one deserved this. When he had her safely in his arms, he ran as fast as he could to Jennyanydot's den. Each time one of his feet pounded on the ground, blood made its way onto him. By the time he got to Jenny's den, he was almost unrecognizable.

"Jenny!" He called out. "Oh god let her be here please be here oh god help" kept racing through his mind. When Jenny came out from the back, she took one look at the situation, and jumped into action.

Three hours later, Etcetera was passed out with her arm in a splint.

"It was the best I could do, under the circumstances," she explained, when the silver tabby asked, "Anything else and she might've lost an arm. She's lucky she found you when she did." She could tell that he was shaken. It wasn't often that she could see what he was thinking, but one look into his eyes, and she knew all she needed to. Fear. Pure, cold-blooded fear. It wasn't comforting to see the Protector in such a state, even if she knew the reason.

There was a terrible, high strung tension that filled the room, making it feel that you were breathing through a tiny straw in a room that had no air left in it.

"Why don't we get washed up, dear?" She said, hoping her words would cut through the tension. It helped a little. Munkustrap got all of the dried blood and sweat out of his matted fur, and felt better. He stood up to stretch, and in doing so, he knocked Jenny's collar, which was set down carelessly on the edge of the table, onto the ground. Jenny saw it too. She hurried over to pick it up. The thing was though, Munkustrap had the same idea. THWOCK! Two heads collided.

"Ow, that hurt. Sorry Jenny." Munkustrap apologized, but she wasn't paying attention. She was on the ground with a dazed expression on her face. When Munkustrap neared her, her head snapped up. A look of confusion crossed her face.

"Who are you?" She asked. Now it was Munkustrap's turn to be confused. Was she playing a game?

"Umm, it's me, Munkustrap." He said slowly. He started to get really nervous when the confusion on her face didn't go away.

"Munkustrap? Who's he? And more importantly, who in the Heavyside Layer am I?"

Munkustrap could tell she wasn't fooling. This was serious. He needed to figure out how to get her memory back. He remembered something he had heard a few weeks ago, and a few seconds later... THWOCK!

"Owwww! Whaddya do that for?" Jelly screeched.

"Sorry! I thought I could hit your memory back in. I guess it didn't work..."

Munkustrap sighed. He looked out at the Junkyard to see that it was getting darker, and more and more shadows were appearing. It was getting late. He didn't have time for this! There was only one thing to do in a situation like this...

**FIVE MINUTES LATER**

Munkustrap hummed a little tune as he chucked Jennyanydots into the closet, bound and gagged.

"I'll let you out when I can help you. In the meantime though, you have to stay in there."

Munkustrap hurried out, and avoided looking at Etcetera's limp form on the table, barely breathing. He fumbled for the list to get his mind off of things. Next, the infamous cat burglars.

* * *

As he neared the den, Munkustrap was surprised to find no noise coming from within.

"That's a shock," he thought to himself. He was about to knock on the door when Mungojerrie whipped it open and pulled him inside. Munkustrap was about to yell his protest, but Mungojerrie held a paw to his lips.

"Shhh, act no'mal. Doin't do anythoing suspoiscious."

He made Munkustrap sit on the couch with him, and proceeded to make small talk with him, when Rumpleteazer burst into the room.

"Wher' are thoiy? Thoiy gone! Oi can't foind dem anywheres!"

Munkustrap was about to ask what she lost, when he noticed Mungojerrie trying to hold back laughter without much success. Rumpleteazer saw it too.

"You tooks thems, doidn't you! Give thems backs!"

Mungojerrie took out a string of pearls out from behind his back and swung them around his paw, which was over his head. Rumpleteazer lunged for them, and missed. And missed again. And again. And again. Mungojerrie was laughing the whole time. Rumple, however, did not think it funny.

"Give thems back roight naow! Roight naow! I means it! Give 'em! NAOW! GIVE THEMS BACK! THEYS NOT YOURS! GIVE 'EM!"

Munkustrap got confused. What was happening to Rumple? She never got this aggressive with her partner in crime. Mungojerrie must have got confused too, for he stopped waving the pearls around, and gave them to Rumple. But it didn't end there.

"THEYS BE MOINE JERRY! MOINE! ONE DAY OI'S GONNA BE THE RULER OF ALL OF YOUSE! THOINE YOU'LL REGROIT IT! YOU WILL! BWOI HAOI HAOI HAOI! BWOI HAOI HAOI HAOI HAOI HAOI!"

Mungojerrie was confused. Was Rumple going crazy? At the current moment she was running into walls and screaming things like "Hows youse loike thaoit, Jerrys?"

Munkustrap decided to slowly back out of the den, until he was a safe distant away. He really wasn't sure what just happened. He was about to run away when he heard Mungojerrie screaming, "Help Munkustrap! I can't control her!"

"Oh, fine," Munkustrap grumbled as he trudged back to the den.

**FIVE MINUTES LATER**

THUMP! Rumpleteazer let out an inaudible squeak as her body hit the floor of the closet that Munkustrap had just chucked her in.

"It's for your own good. When you're sane you can be untied." She heard Munkustrap say as he closed the doors and shoved darkness upon her.

"Well, who's next on my list, ummm, oh, Pouncival. Great. Someone accident prone."

* * *

Getting closer to Pouncival den, he realized that he really wanted the day to be over. He only had around three more cats to go. He decided that he would get them over as fast as possible. When he knocked on the door, Pouncival almost immediately opened it.

"We need to talk. I want a different part."

I'll see what I can do. Bye!" Munkustrap replied, running away as fast as he could. He did the same with Tumblebrutus, who had something wrong with his back, he didn't stay long enough to find out. He did it again with Exotica, who wanted more stage time, or something. When he went to Jellylorum's den, she just got angry at him. Apparently, Gus had been taking most of his anger out on her.

When he got to his den, he didn't even bother going over what happened that day. He went straight to bed, not giving a second's thought to the big tribe meeting that was going to happen tomorrow.

* * *

**I hope you liked it! Thanks to r1y2r3e4s and FantabulousMe for the ideas for Mungo and Teazer and ****Jellylorum**** and Jennyanydots! Like I said, I spent a lot less time on each cat, except for Etcetera, just because I got sick of writing about them. But they'll be in the story more in later chapters. Sorry if you wanted Pouncival, Tumblebrutus, and Exotica to be longer. In a few days I should have another chapter up! If I missed anyone please tell me! Until then!**


	5. Jellicle Songs For Jellicle CatsNot

****

Author's Note ~ Whoo! This is the longest chapter so far! Whoo! OK, here's the game plan: I'm going to upload by song, so one chapter will be one song. Got it? Good. Onto the first one! Oh, and I'll explain each cat as we go. Oh, and

MyIneffableName = Munkunstrap's POV

_MyIneffableName = Song_

**But I think you'd be able to notice that. **

**Disclaimer: *mumble* I don't own Cats *mumble***

**Read on!**

****Munkustrap was worried. Yesterday the meeting had not gone as planned. Everyone had a problem, and they needed to solve each problem, and it had not been an easy job to do. Some cats wanted different roles, some wanted more lines, others had restrictions on what they could do, and it was terrible. But it was about to start. Munkustrap held his breath and hoped for the he knew what was about to come, he probably would've started to cry right there.

* * *

It started late at night, in a dark junkyard. Munkustrap watched from behind a trunk of a car as his mate, Demeter, came out to start the song. She was about to start singing, when a car sped by the Junkyard and spooked her. She let out a yowl, and froze.

"MACAVITY!"

"Oh, great." Munkustrap grumbled under his breath. "Five seconds into it, she's already scared stiff." He proceeded to slink over to where Demeter was and grab her paw. He tried to pull her away, but she wouldn't budge. He ended up ungracefully yanking her and shoving her into a pipe on the side. All of the other cats began to appear as he ran back to his spot.

Cassandra came waddling on, and started to do that support-one-leg-with-the-other-and-raise-one-hand-thing-that-we-all-wish-we-could-do thing. But it ended up as her just lying on her stomach squirming around. Suddenly she got a look of pain on her face, and rushed off. Munkustrap sighed. At the meeting yesterday, she had told them that her vet made her take a laxative. Apparently it wasn't fun.

Next, Skimble came on. Even from across the junkyard, Munkustrap could hear grumbling coming from the tom's mouth.

"Why do I have to do this every year? It's the same stupid thing. It never changes!"

Munkustrap hoped he wouldn't be mad for too long.

Next, Pouncival was supposed to come hop on the chair. But he didn't, and no one was surprised. He had a different role this year.

After that, Cori and Tanti came on, still with their headaches. They told everyone that since they were interrupted when they were linking their powers, they had looked straight at Munkustrap when they said that, they got a headache. Apparently headaches prevent them from linking powers. So now, they weren't in sync, and therefore, crashed into each other, when they did the whole let's-run-on-and-get-tangled-up-in-each-other-thing.

Once they were done getting into position, Electra got on and twisted around.

"So random," Munkustrap thought.

Munkustrap's eyes were averted from her as he watched Tugger try to squeeze himself through the poles on the side of the yard. With a minute of heaving and huffing, he decided to just stand back, and flap a useless paw through the poles.

Oh, great. Now Demeter had to come out. Munkustrap ran back over to her, yanked her out another time, shoved her into position, and ran back to where he Demeter wasn't going to. was.

"Now I have to start the song," he huffed angrily, for obviously

_Are you blind when you're born?_

His voice carried throughout the whole Junkyard, rich and clear.

The next line was supposed to be his, but he decided that since he took Demeter's, Demeter may as well take his. He went over to where Demeter was hiding in the pipe, and yanked her out.

"OK, Demeter, it's your line. Can you see in the dark. Go on. Say it."

Demeter proceeded to say her line with a series of tiny guttural noises and whines.

_C-g-s-lsk-s-hgd-hgii-MACAVITY!_

"No, Macavity isn't here, you're just being paranoid," he told her as he yanked her away once again. "Okay, next!"

Skimbleshanks leaned forward and grumbled,

_Can you look at a king?  
_  
Asparagus must've heard that, for he started to scream, "NO, I CAN'T LOOK AT A KING! I CAN'T LOOK AT ANYTHING! I HATE IT!"

At the meeting, all the cats had tried to come up with a solution to why Asparagus couldn't open his eyes, but no one could think of a good answer.

When Asparagus realized that they were all waiting for his line, he sang,

_Would you sit on his throne?_

But he then added, "WELL I WOULDN'T, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE THRONE IS! I'D PROBABLY TRY TO FIND IT AND END UP KILLING MYSELF! BUT NOBODY CARES IF THAT HAPPENS TO POOR OLD ASPARAGUS! EVERYBODY HATES ME!" And with that he ran off.

Tugger, knowing that they should just keep going, sang,

_Can you say of your bite, that it's worse than your bark?_

But no one could really hear him, because he was gasping too much from the exertion from before.

_Are you cock of the walk?_

Victoria sang, because she was playing Alonzo, and Alonzo was playing her. Why? Because at the meeting, Vitoria had complained that mud had stained her coat, and she didn't want to go on like that. So they found the next whitest cat there was. Which was Alonzo. And seeing as Alonzo didn't have a completely white coat, they had to improvise. The day before, Alonzo had been painting, and he had left a half empty can of white paint on the ground. So some of the cats took it, snuck up behind Alonzo, and poured it all over him. It worked, and now Alonzo is a pure white cat, and Victoria is a white cat with big brown spots on her. Of course Alonzo wasn't happy, and neither was Victoria, but they eventually went along with it.

_When you're walking alone._

Sang the weird cat who only appears for 5 minutes of the video, and then goes away and comes back as Grizabella.

Now, all of them sang.

_Because Jellicle are and Jellicle do,_

Jellicles do and Jellicles would,

Jellicles would and Jellicles can,

Jellicles can and Jellicles do.

When you fall on your head, do you land on your feet?

Jellylorum sang through gritted teeth, obviously wanting to drop Gus on his head and hope he doesn't land on his feet.

_Are you tense when you sense there's a storm in the air?_

Coricopat gave Munkustrap a look that said "Because of you I can't sense anything now," and Munkustrap looked away and pretended not to notice.

_Can you find your way blind when your lost in the street?  
_  
Came the voice of Tugger, who was now recovered from his ordeal. During the meeting, everyone decided that Tugger was the only cat capable of singing Jemima's part and making it sound good.

_Do you know how to go to the Heavyside layer?_

Old Deuteronomy sang, while not in his snuggie.

Suddenly, they all stood up, except for Asparagus, who didn't see what was happening, and they all sang as one.

_Because Jellicles can and Jellicles do,_  
_  
Jellicles do and Jellicles can,_

Jellicles can and Jellicles do,

Jellicles do and Jellicles can,

Jellicles can and Jellicles do.

Everybody kept tripping over the few random cats that didn't know where to go, such as Asparagus, Jenny, and Tumblebrutus. At the meeting, Tumblebrutus shared that he hurt his back, and that he wasn't able to tumble as he did before. So now he was just stumbling around, wincing whoever anybody bumped into him.

_Can you ride on a broomstick to places far distant?_

The twins once again crashed into each other, took a minute to get up, and they both shot a murderous glare at the tribe protector.

Jenny didn't know she was supposed to be singing, so Alonzo had a solo.

_Familiar with candle,  
_  
Everyone snickered at his interpretation of Victoria's soprano voice.

Next, came Electra's line, but before she did it, she made an announcement.

"OK people, I just want to say that this is my only line in the Ball, so please listen closely."  
_  
With book and with bell?_

Bombalurina came on, her hands covering her face, thus tripping over the nearest cat by her, and falling flat on her face.

_Were you Whitt-agggghhhhh! OWOWOWOWOWO!_

Mistofelees tried to cover it up with his line, but he tripped in his little skip hop thing, singed fur and all.  
_  
The Pied Piper's-oomph!_

_Have you been an alumnus of heaven or hell?_

Tumblebrutus sung that while sliding forward on his belly, because he couldn't do a simple somersault.

_Are you mean like a minx?_

Mungojerrie ran on and looked behind him nervously.

_ARE YOU LEAN LIKE A LANX?_

Mungojerrie ran away as Rumpleteazer ran on singing her line in a crazy voice. And she was also chasing him, with a demented look in her eye.

_Are you keen to be seen when smelling a rat?_

Etcetera sang, her arm useless, and straight as a stick.

Cassandra wasn't there to sing her line, which was also a cue for all of the cats to start singing together, so they all had trouble finding the right place to start singing. But once they did, they all started running to seemingly random spots, with Mungojerrie weaving in and out between them, followed by a very crazy Rumpleteazer.

_If you were and you are, you're a Jellicle cat._  
Etcetera, against everybody's wishes, had gone on up and grabbed onto the trapeze. With one hand. Then she swung across the Junkyard, back and forth. As they sang the next few lines, they all saw that her strength was deteriorating, though. All of a sudden, she flew out into the sea of cats, and knocked about 10 of them down.

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats,

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats,

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats,

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats.

We can dive through the air like a flying trapeze.

_We can turn double somersaults, bounce on a tire.  
We can run up the wall, we can swing through the trees. _

The next line was barely heard, for there were only about five standing cats singing it. Munkustrap didn't know what the heck was going on, all he knew was that Alonzo was very hard to lift up enough to let him sit on his shoulder, spin around, and then flip him upside down into the splits, and that doing that routine with another male was very awkward. He learned two things about Alonzo that day. One, Alonzo can't do the splits to save his life, he was squeaking in pain the whole time, and two, Alonzo is capable of screaming like a girl for a very long time. Suddenly, by some unknown force, he was knocked over by something. He ended up in a pile tangled up with Etcetera. He knew instantly what happened.

"Etcetera, I told you..." but he wasn't heard by Etcetera, who was at that moment, trying to hold back tears, because her splint had been ripped off, almost taking her arm with it. Suddenly she let out a scream and ran off.

After getting organized again, they all continued. They all got in a circle and started walking in one direction. Except of course Jenny, who wandered aimlessly in the outskirts, Asparagus who went the wrong way and knocked people down, and Mungojerrie, who was freaking out because he was trapped in the center of the circle with Rumpleteazer.  
_  
Jellicles can and Jellicles do,_

Jellicles can and Jellicles do,

Jellicles can and Jellicles do,

Jellicles can and Jellicles do.

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats,

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats,

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats,

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats.

The same ordeal happened, except this time, they were all running randomly again, and Mungojerrie wanted out. So he decided to knock over the cats closest to him to create a pathway of escape. It ended up being like a domino effect. One cat would grab the other, and they would both fall down. Rinse and repeat.

All the cats were on the floor, but they quickly scrambled up and to their position. There was a little confusion for where to stand though, for there was a voice that screamed, "OI WANT TO STAND NEX' TO MOI MUNGO!" and suddenly there was a lot of shoving and pushing, then of scream of terror, then a wicked laugh, then two cats ran off, one seemingly chasing the other.

_Can you sing at the same time in more than one key?_

After hearing this, Jemima burst into tears.

Duets by Rossini and waltzes by Strauss?

At this Jemima ran off to go cry alone.

And can you (as cats do) begin with a C?

Everyone was waiting for Jennyanydots to sing her high C, but none came. They looked around, and saw her milling about by the side of the junkyard. Munkustrap sighed.

"Just this once," he told himself, and proceeded to sing the high C.

"aaaAHHHHahhh"

At this, many cats winced and ran off screaming,

"It's too high! My ears! It's like Justin Bieber! On helium!"

He thought he heard Asparagus say "Why couldn't I be deaf instead on blind?"

Munkustrap was indignant. His voice wasn't that high! Was it? He snapped out of his seething rage as he heard the song go on.

_That always triumphantly brings down the house!_

Jellicle cats are queen of the nights.

Alonzo shouted "I'm usually a tom but for today a queen."  
_  
Singing at astronomical heights!_

They all looked at Munkustrap, who kept his eyes forward and his voice low. Which wasn't that low.

_Handling pieces from the Messiah!_

Hallelujah, angelical choir!

Jemima, who was sneaking back on, burst into tears again and ran off.

Suddenly, everything got quiet, except for Rumpleteazer, who was shouting her head off, and they all put their hands out.

_The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity,  
Round the cathedral rang "Vivat!"  
Life to the everlasting cat!_

They all paused to give a dirty look at Rumpleteazer, and then continued.

_Feline - Rumple - fearless - Teazer -faithful - be - and - quiet! - true  
To others who do...WHAT!  
_  
They all looked at Rumpleteazer at her little outburst, and she cracked into a fit of giggles.

_Jellicles do and Jellicles can,_

Jellicles can and Jellicles do,

Jellicle cats sing Jellicle chants,

Jellicles old and Jellicles new,

_Jellicle song and Jellicle dance,_  
_  
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats._Admetus stomped away in disgust.

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats,

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats,

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats,

"That's the longest run on sentence I've ever heard! It's just disgraceful! You should be ashamed of yourselves!"

But none of the cats paid attention to him, for they were getting busy getting into two different groups, and fanning out when they needed to. Poor Jenny was being knocked about both groups like a pinball in a pinball machine, for she had decided to stop right in the middle of both groups.

_Practical cats, dramatical cats,_  
From the sides, Admetus burst into tears.

Pragmatical cats, fanatical cats,

Oratorical cats, delphioracle cats,

Skeptical cats, dispeptical cats,

Romantical cats, pedantical cats,

Critical cats, parasitical cats,

Allegorical cats, metaphorical cats,

Statistical cats and mystical cats,

Political cats, hypocritical cats,

Clerical cats, hysterical cats,

Cynical cats, rabbinical cats.

"That one's even longer! Waaaaahhhhh!"

_Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats,_

Jellicle bells that Jellicles ring,

Jellicle sharps and Jellicle flats,

Jellicle songs that Jellicles sing.

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats,

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats,

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats,

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats.

At this point Asparagus stumbled to the front, and knocked a few cats over. Then he crashed into the trunk. Wait, the trunk? Oops. He quickly turned around and stumbled to the other front, taking more cats down with him. When he finally got there he sang, full of anger,

_There's a man over there with a look of surprise,_

As much as to say, "Well now how about that!"

"WELL GUESS WHAT?" he continued, "THAT'S ALL LIES! DO YOU HEAR ME? LIES! I DON'T SEE NO BALLY-WHOPPIN MAN! I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING! AGGGGHHHHH!"

Munkustrap ran up, hoping to have at least one thing go right in this song, and sang,

_Do I actually see with my own very eyes,_

But at this, Asparagus screamed,

"WHAT IS IT WITH ALL YOU PEOPLE AND SEEING? GOD, STOP RUBBING IT IN!"

And with that said, Asparagus jumped on Munkustrap and began punching him in the gut.

Munkustrap, wanting the Ball to go on, kept singing, while trying to defend himself. It didn't work. Munkustrap had a technique, where he would have a certain breathing pattern, and he would be able to sing low. But since Asparagus kept punching him in the gut, he lost the breathing pattern. And since he was trying to keep singing while this happened, his voice went very, very high. Each time Asparagus punched him, Munkustrap "Justin Biebered" out a syllable.

_A...man...who's...not...heard...of...a Jel...lic...le...cat?_

Finally Asparagus stopped punching him in the gut. Munkustrap was confused. Why hadn't anybody helped him? When he looked around, he saw that everybody was hiding behind something and was covering their ears.

"Oh my god!" Asparagus screamed as he ran off, "I think my ears are bleeding!"

After Munkustrap coaxed everybody back on, with a promise not to sing anymore, they finished the song.

_What's a Jellicle cat? What's a Jellicle cat?_

As soon as they whispered the last word, Munkustrap dropped down in exhaustion.

* * *

**A.N. More to come! I hope you liked it! I tried to make it as close to the movi****e as possible, but please excuse me if it isn't perfect. Also, if any of the words are wrong, don't blame me, blame the website I got them off of. Oh, and two more things, sorry if my Mungo and Teazer accents sound like someone with a Cockney accent trying to be gansta'. If any of you have any tips for me about how to type their dialect, feel free to share in the comments(so everyone can see)! Last thing, if you want more of a certain cat, just let me know! Remember, if I don't see it, I don't know about it! Rate and review!**

**Admetus: And I would just like to say that run on sen-**

***gets booted off* No one cares!**

**More chapters to come!**

**Admetus: Duh!**

***kicks him off, once again* Hope you liked it! Don't tell me if you don't!**


	6. The Naminig Of Cats Yeah, Right

**A.N.- Holy Cow! Two in one day! That's a record. For me at least. Anyway, this next chapter is The Naming Of Cats. I would have uploaded it sooner, but the plug got ripped out of the computer, and since there is no battery in it, I lost the whole story. And I had about a paragraph left! GRRRR! I guess that's what I get though for not saving. After I finished writing it, I realized that this was a parody of "Glee Club Rehearsal" from You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown. Sorry if this seems a bit redundant.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Cats, or the Elf line I put in there(you should be able to figure it out), or Y.A.G.M.C.B.**

Munkustrap, dead tired, stumbled to his feet, and then to his place for the next song. Of course there was squabbling on who goes where, but a stern look from Jellylorum soon settled that.

Once they were all in position, they waited three seconds, and then TICK! The flicked there head to the front. Except for of course, Rumpleteazer, who kept shaking her head from side to side. And then there were the twins. Coricopat wasn't ready, and Tantomile smacked her head into his.

"Ow, what did you do that for?" He screeched.

"I didn't mean to!" She replied back, hotly.

"Didn't mean to my –"

"Coricopat! Language!"

"Let's take this outside!" He shouted at her.

"Well guess what, smart one? We are outside!"

Oh, you did not just go there!"

"Oh, yes I did, you cotton headed ninny muggin!"

"Oh no you didn't!"

"Oh yes I did!"

The next sound they heard was the sound of two Siamese cats trying to fight while getting out of a large group. When they finally got out, all the cats started chanting.

_The naming of cats is a difficult matter  
It isn't just one of your holiday games_

"Auggg! I can't stand it!" Bombalurina wailed, after she saw some kits laughing at her predicament. She ran off crying.

"Wait, Bomba!" Tugger chased after her, "just because you're the ugliest cat in the tribe doesn't mean you just can go – woah!" He tripped over a loose stone and bounced after her.

_You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter,_

_When I tell you a cat must have three different names._

"Well, I have TWO three different names," Admetus boasted proudly.

"OK, Marian, we get it. You've told a kajillion times!" Electra shouted at him.

Admetus looked broken, and ran off crying.

"God, I mean serioulsly," Electra rolled her eyes, but when she say Jellylorum's fierce gaze directed at her, she said,

"OK,OK, I know, give him two put ups, and then go to my room and don't come out until I've learned my lesson." She walked off exasperatedly.

_First of all, there's the name that the family use daily  
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James_

Mungojerrie finally got sick of Rumpleteazer tormenting him, and he ran off. Rumpleteazer chased after him, laughing maniacally.

_Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey  
All of them sensible, everyday names _

Demeter, thinking they were under attack, screamed

"MACAVITY!"

And ran off screaming.

There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter  
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames

Jellylorum, believing her, ran off flailing her arms.

Asparagus, thinking this was funny, fell on the ground laughing.

Jellylorum stormed back on and kicked him. Hard.

"Give that to Gus!" She screamed at him, and they both left, trying to kill eachother.

_Such as Plato, Admetas, Electra, Demeter  
But all of them sensible everyday names _

Alonzo went to the back too early to start his dance, but he must've realized it, for he decided to just stay in the frist position until it was time to start dancing. The first move, unfortunately, was Alonzo standing on all fours, and sticking his butt up in the air and swaying side to side.

_But I tell you a cat needs a name that's particular  
A name that's peculiar, and more dignified_

Misto, thinking that this was too much commotion, tried to stop it by shooting out some lightning.

It hit a mirror and reflected back at him. He left by being shot through the sky like a rocket.

Cassandra, losing her concentrancnate, suddenly screamed,

"I have to go!"

And ran off breathing heavily.

_Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular  
Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride? _

Old Deuteronomy mumbled something about a peculiar remote and a certain snuggie, then rumbled off.

Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum  
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo or Coricopat

Skimbleshanks, thinking that this was too immature for everybody, stomped off angrily.

_Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum  
Names that never belong to more than one cat _

Tumblebrutus got bumped by Skimble, and let out a yelp of pain.

He slowly dragged himself off.

But above and beyond there's still one name left over  
And that is the name that you never will guess

At this point, Jemima received a coughing fit, and ran off as to not disturb the song.

Etcetera ran after her to see if she could help.

The name that no human research can discover  
But the cat himself knows, and will never confess

Victoria's mud started to itch, and she scratched hard enough to start bleeding.

She ran off to go wipe the blood off before it dried.

Jennyanydots thought that since everybody was walking off, she should to. So she did.

When you notice a cat in profound meditation  
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:

The only two cats left were Plato and Munkustrap. Munkustrap noticed something different about Plato.

"Plato, why are you wearing a rainbow headband, and peacie necklace, holding a sign that says "Freedom For All", and smoking pot?"

"Well, duh, I'm a hippie!" Plato called over his shoulder as he sauntered off, "Be cool, man."

Now standing all alone, Munkustrap decided to finish the song by himself.

_His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation  
Of the thought  
Of the thought  
_Of the thought  
Of his name

Munkustrap got tired of this and was in the process of saying,

"Oh, what the f-"

As a random boot came out of nowhere and smacked him on the face.

"Justin Bieber! Stop singing, chanting, talking, or doing anything that involves your vocal chords! GO BACK TO CANADA!"

A voice called out from the heavens. Then, it all went back.

**A.N. - Hope you liked it! R&R! More chapters coming soon! If you want more of a certain cat just tell me!**


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